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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me being her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to a couple of brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest assisting her make content.

I’m grateful that Marielle has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with someone. It feels forced. I need her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I love being with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, altered, or posted for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: observing the nuances, posting them with an audience that values the craft behind it. I never intend to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the content we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not all people likes being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Being recorded from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private filmmaker, but companions support one another in small ways. My assumption was filming a clip now and then would be fun for her. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish our friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the uncertain future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She needs to honor Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It’s nice she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some real experiences, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to where the line is. The answer is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been over-exposing their bond?